Navigating Estate Planning Conversations
Discussing Estate Planning with your parents can be challenging. Conversations about death and dying are rarely enjoyable, and many people avoid them due to the discomfort they provoke. Adult children may hesitate to raise the topic because it involves confronting their parents' mortality, and they may worry about appearing as though they are anticipating their parents' passing.
Despite these challenges, avoiding the topic is not advisable. Your parents will eventually pass away, and having a plan for their money and property will preserve their legacy and help them care for their loved ones. This difficult conversation ensures that your parents have a voice regarding their end-of-life care or when they can no longer make financial or medical decisions for themselves. With technological advancements, more people may face a period when they are alive but unable to make decisions. Without these conversations and a legal delegation of decision-making authority, state laws will govern the outcomes, which may not align with your parents' wishes. Additionally, not documenting your parents' wishes can lead to expensive and time-consuming court processes for their heirs.
How to Raise the Topic with Your Parents
Understanding the importance of these conversations is one thing, but raising the issue with your parents is another. Here are some key ideas to keep in mind:
Do Not Nag
When persuading your parents to discuss estate planning, avoid being pushy. Instead of fostering a productive conversation, you might create an atmosphere of avoidance or suspicion. If your parents are hesitant, find ways to bring up the topic without making them defensive.
Be Open and Honest
Expressing your concerns truthfully is essential. Family dynamics can be complicated, and addressing delicate issues is crucial for effective estate planning. Having these conversations now, while your parents are available to provide their insights, will help facilitate the best planning for their legacy.
Involve All Necessary Parties
Include siblings, stepchildren, new spouses, and former spouses in these conversations. Let your parents know you support them and prioritize understanding their wishes to help protect those desires.
Consider Health
Ensure all parties involved are in good health when having these discussions. Decisions made during a health crisis may not be objective. Planning should be done with a clear mind, free from immediate health concerns.
Ask About Their Wishes
Directly ask your parents what they want regarding estate planning. Avoid making assumptions. They may have clear ideas about their future but lack the plans to realize them. Asking about their wishes brings them closer to making their vision a reality.
Discuss Existing Plans
Many parents start estate planning when they begin their family but never update it. They may have documents that are now outdated. Ask your parents if they have any of the following documents and review them together:
- Past wills
- Trust documents
- Powers of attorney
- HIPAA authorization forms
- Insurance policy and retirement plan beneficiary designations
Include Benefits to Children and Grandchildren
Discuss how your parents want to build their legacy through their children and grandchildren. Grandparents often want to provide for their grandchildren in special ways. Explore how they wish to distribute their money and property, considering the unique dynamics between children and grandchildren.
Approaching your parents about end-of-life planning and having clear conversations on these topics establishes a solid foundation for effective estate planning.